Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too high and old for this...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
