proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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