I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
