so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
