Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
