The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
