nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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