i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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