You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
