Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
