don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
