Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
