I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
