WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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