Dual....:-)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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