There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
