He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
