i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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