Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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