i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
