I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
