vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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