So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
