Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
