I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
