The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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