I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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