I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
