If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
