not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Panties = found
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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