i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
