We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
