Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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