smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
