you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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