I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
