But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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