You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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