oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
