he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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