my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
