Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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