why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
