i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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