Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
