Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
