i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
