He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
