I faked an abortion last night.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
