The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
pop tarts are not kleenex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
