I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my being single is dangerous.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
