is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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