whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
