I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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