Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
