last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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