You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
