a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
